It delights me to feature Heather Kopp, a writer and editor I have long admired, on Story Matters. I count it as a privilege to have contributed to one of Heather’s non-fiction book projects many moons ago and have read most of the books she co-authored with her writer/editor husband, Dave (especially their Praying the Bible series). Heather blogs about recovery at Soberboots.com and has recently published her excellent memoir, Sober Mercies: How Love Caught Up with a Christian Drunk, with Jericho Books. She’s here today to tell us a little more about herself and her book. Heather, welcome!

Q. You married at seventeen and stayed home with a new baby while your first husband went to college. Did you ever go to college yourself? How did you set yourself on the path to becoming a writer and editor?

A. I’ve been waiting for someone to ask me this question! I had planned to go to college and major in literature or writing. I didn’t want to marry until I was 25. That didn’t work out. Noah was born the day of our high school senior picnic, and I spent the next five years at home with him and my second son, Nathan.

It wasn’t until my biological father took his life when I was 23 and he was 47 that the desire to write resurfaced in a big way, in part as a need for catharsis, surely. I started taking freelance writing classes at night, until the teacher—a wonderful man I looked up to a lot—hung himself. Yeah. Unbelievable.

But then I kept writing and soon sold some articles to Christian Parenting Today. Dave, my current husband of 18 years, was the founding editor for that magazine, and he bought my first couple of articles. Next came a regular column with Virtue magazine. A couple of years later, I went through my divorce from Tom and finally went to college for almost two years. But I had to choose between making money through writing or going to school—and being a single mom. I chose the former.

So I don’t even have a degree. All my editing skills were learned through writing, critique groups, and conferences. I realized early on that I had a knack for substantive editing. I worked a lot with new writers who didn’t know how to structure or organize a non-fiction book. I don’t line edit. I’m awful at that. These days, I’m helping two new memoirists give birth to their books. I jokingly say that I’m a hired writing doula.

A writing doula! Love it. Will have to remember that.

Q. While you were still drinking, you wrote a novel, which never saw publication. Now that you’re sober, would you try one again?

A. Hmmm. I’d probably do what they say not to—which is to revisit that first baby and make sure it’s really dead. I’d probably waste months trying to bring it back to life, bang my head against a wall a lot… Sounds like a plan, right? Really, I don’t see myself doing fiction anytime soon. I think that could happen someday—I love reading novels—but I don’t see it in my immediate future.

I’m one of those weird people who love to write out of my own life. I had to stop doing that for more than a decade while I was a secret drunk—since I couldn’t tell the truth, I had nothing to say—but now I do. So I will probably keep writing non-fiction until I arrive at perfection and am no longer learning anything new. 🙂 Joking, of course. But what I’m trying to say is that I don’t write out of what I know for sure so much as what I’m discovering. So as long as I keep journeying and trying to be an honest pilgrim, I might have something so say for a while. We’ll see.

I’m glad you’re “weird” that way,  Heather–you have so much to teach us. 

Q. I often say that raising kids and writing books are the hardest things I’ve ever done. You’ve done both AND gotten sober. On the difficult-to-do scale, where does recovery fit in?  

A. Recovery is both the hardest thing I’ve ever done and the easiest, too. Early years were excruciating, but the last few feel like all a gift. I love going to meetings, and I adore my community, and I feel so dang rich. Sure, I’m still an alcoholic in my bones and some days a drink sounds good—but only for a passing moment. I’m honestly the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.

Q. Your son Noah, who also struggles with addiction, graciously and bravely allowed you to write about his recovery story as it overlaps with yours. After you finished writing the book, you blogged that he had a relapse. How is he doing today?

A. So glad you asked! He’s back in recovery and doing super-well, and he has a new sober girlfriend. But I am trying not to talk about his life or his recovery in public much these days. He hasn’t banned me by any means, but I think he deserves privacy. I also think he made the right choice—and I did, too—to include parts of his story in mine. People need hope and his life is an example of how recovery is a miracle for many, even if it gets interrupted or stalled along the way.

Q. Storytelling seems to be a big part of recovery. Why do you think sharing stories is so important?

A. Wow, that’s a wonderful, big question. I think we are all fundamentally lonely in one sense. There’s no one inside here with us, you know? The closest to that most of us get is marriage. But even then, I think we all feel the need to be known and understood—and when we hear people’s stories, we realize again that we are not unique or alone. We are just human. And hearing other people’s stories also helps us to open up and share our own.

I’ve learned in recovery that hearing yourself tell the truth aloud about your life is absolutely critical to healing and to self-awareness. Sometimes I don’t know what I think until I say it in a meeting. Stories are how we reassure each other and remind each other of the truth that even though we all appear to be separate beings on separate journeys, we are all connected in this fundamental way. In Christian terms, we are One in Christ. But I think it goes beyond just the church family. In my most honest moments I am keenly aware of my connection to everyone in a way that goes beyond the bounds of my faith community. Does that make sense? See what I mean? This is why we need stories. So we can all tell each other, “Yes! I get what you mean!”

Oh yes, that makes great sense. Reminds me of the famous C.S. Lewis quote: “We read to know we’re not alone.” I think we write and tell stories for the same reason.

Q. Will your book promotion bring you to the Seattle area? If so, where and when?

A. I wish! I have a lot of family in that area, since I grew up in Everett and graduated from Snohomish High School. But book signing tours and the like are pretty much a thing of the past unless you are famous in some way. Plus, bookstores are disappearing in a lot of places. So these days it’s more about promoting online and through TV and radio.

Q. What’s next for you?

A. I have no idea. Even though it would likely arouse zero publisher interest, I would love to write a spiritual day book of some kind. My morning readings are so important to me. And so I have this fantasy of writing a year of daily reflections where every single entry would “hit.” Meaning, at least in my mind, there are no throwaways, days where I just say something expected or don’t try that hard to connect. The authors in my own book stack don’t know it, but every morning they all compete to be the one that gives me an insight for the day, a sentence or thought to hold onto. Some days, they all deliver. Other days, none do, and then I have to actually ask God for something fresh. 🙂

A spiritual day book–I could go for something like that. Does that count? 

Thanks so much for stopping by, Heather. This has been a joy.

Friends, please do visit Heather at her blog, Soberboots.com, and tell her Katherine sent you.