Lisa McKay with husband Mike and son Dominic on Mekong River

Lisa McKay’s memoir, Love At The Speed Of Email, is the story of old-fashioned courtship made possible by modern technology – the tale of two people separated by the Pacific Ocean who build a long distance relationship entirely via email. Along the way the narrator – a global nomad who has spent her life as the transient resident of eight different countries – must confront troubling questions about where home really is and what it means to commit to a person, a place, or a career.

How was the process of writing memoir different than writing fiction?

When I was writing my first novel (My Hands Came Away Red) I found myself getting surprised by what was happening. As I figured out the “what” of plot, however, an understanding my character’s actions and reactions followed fairly naturally.

Writing a memoir reversed this process. I already knew what happened – I’d lived it – but I had to work much harder to figure out what it all meant to me, then and now.

The plotting process was different, too. With the novel I wrote my way into the story blind, without an outline. As I wrote, the story gained momentum as events unfolded.

In contrast, I had a clear vision for the start and end of the memoir, but little idea of how I was going to get from one place to the other. Despite repeated outlines I continued to flounder in the middle until the very final drafts of the manuscript.

Do you have any words of advice for others who want to write a memoir?

Screeds have been written on this topic, but here are a couple of points I tried to keep in mind:

Tell a story: When I started writing this memoir I thought I might be able to “glue together” a whole bunch of essays and blog posts I’d previously written and call it a book. A friend and editor bluntly told me that I was neither famous nor good enough to get away with that yet and that I had to tell a coherent story if I wanted to write a memoir. He was right. If you want to write a memoir and you don’t know anything about story arc, google it (for starters).

Write into the unknown: I don’t know who it was that said that if the author hadn’t discovered anything during the course of the book the reader likely wouldn’t either, but it’s stuck with me. If you want to write a memoir be prepared to do some soul-searching and struggling to put into words some of your shadows and your fears. Work to learn about yourself while you’re writing.

Take your time: I know some people can write a book in a couple of months. I’m not one of them. My work is always stronger when I’m prepared to edit, edit, edit, and let it sit and breathe between drafts.

You’ve recently become a mother. How has that impacted your writing?

It’s given me a lot more material to work with and a lot less time to do it in (not to mention a brain that doesn’t seem to work quite like it used to).

In all seriousness, it’s had a big impact on my writing. I prefer to write in long, quiet, uninterrupted stretches of time (and all of you mothers know that that’s exactly what you don’t have the second you give birth). So I’m doing the hard and painful work of learning to approach writing in a completely new way.

I’ve felt way too tired and life-all-turned-upside-down as busy since Dominic’s birth to think about starting another book quite yet. So I’ve been focusing on shorter pieces of writing – blogging and essays.

You’ve chosen to self-publish your book – what sort of hopes do you have for it with the reading public?

I had a great experience publishing my first book with a traditional publisher and I’m excited to explore this new frontier of self-publishing. Technology is changing publishing so rapidly – I find it amazing that I can publish this book and undertake a (virtual) book tour without leaving Northern Laos!!

As for my hopes … I have several. Starting grand: I hope that everyone who reads it loves it and that it sells a million copies.

More modestly (and much more sensibly) I hope that it entertains and I hope that it makes people think. I would love to see this find it’s way to people who will enjoy a good love story or who are grappling with questions about home, commitment, or long distance relationships.

More modestly still, I hope to sell enough copies to break even on this project. I’d like to earn a living from writing someday and this particular publishing adventure is all part of the process.

A portion of your profits will go to supporting charities in Laos. Tell us about those charities.

Yes, a portion of my profits on this book will be going to support charities operating here in Laos. The two I have in mind at present are two organizations that focus on literacy and education, Pencils of Promise and the Luang Prabang Boat Library. Pencils of Promise builds schools and trains teachers. The Library Boat carries books up and down the Mekong to villages that can only be accessed by boat.

You can’t live somewhere like Laos without realizing how fortunate you are in comparison to so many people in this world, and it seemed fitting to direct some of anything I earn on this book to organizations who are working to get books into the hands of children and improve education in this country.

Lisa McKay is a psychologist who specializes in stress, trauma and resilience. She currently lives in Laos with her husband and son. She’s the author of a novel, My Hands Came Away Red (Moody, 2007), and a self-published memoir, Love At The Speed Of Email (2012). To learn more, visit www.lisamckaywriting.com.